Resist
by Mrs Don Draper
Summary: Tired of Barney's ultra-lethargio ways after he broke up with Robin, Lily decides it is up to her to punish him appropriately.


She adjusted her lacy black negligee in the mirror before walking into the bathroom to apply her make-up. Lily decided that purple shadow would work best with the smoky look she was going for and then reached for her black liquid eyeliner and generously swiped it over both of her lids. She then applied her mascara and stood back a bit to look at herself. There was no fucking way Barney would be able to resist.

Once dressed and made up Lily went to put on a pair of black high heels and poured herself a glass of red wine. Barney would be over soon, thinking Ted was in need of a wingman for the evening. Little did he know that Ted and Marshall had been given tickets to "Loch Ness and other Haunting Mysteries" and Robin would conveniently be at work. She was quiet proud of herself for being so devious. She would do anything to get revenge for Robin.

Shortly after finishing her glass, there was a knock at the door. Show time.

"Ted, Ted! I have a new pick-up line I want to-Whoa, um, hi Lil..."

"Oh hey Barney. Looking for Ted?" she asked, leaning seductively in the doorway.

"Yeah, and um, shouldn't you have more clothes on before answering the door? What if I had been some crazy rapist?" he asked, averting his eyes as he made his way into the apartment.

The front door closed with a certain finality.

"Did you come here to rape me Barney?"

"Lil! Of course not! I never pegged you as someone who'd be in to that kind of role play anyway."

Lily smiled and strutted into the kitchen.

_Was this some sort of joke?_

"You want a beer?"

He sat down on the couch.

"Um, no thanks...Where's Ted by the way? We were supposed to meet here."

He checked his watch, distracted enough for Lily to sit down next to him on the couch before he could avoid it.

"Brought you something anyway to drink while you wait."

She set the bottle down on the coffee table.

Barney tried not to let it phase him, but Lily was making him extraordinarily uncomfortable, what with her boobs spilling out and her already short skirt riding up as she sat down incredibly close to him on the fairly large couch. The minutes ticked by.

"So, are you gonna get dressed any time soon?"

_Fuck, where was Ted?_

"No. Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Barney's faced looked stricken, so she let out her most sugar-coated laugh. He chuckled as well, not sure why either one of them was laughing. Lily rested her hand on his knee.

"Lily Aldrin, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were propositioning me."

He quickly reset his charming smile, yet shifts uncomfortably. He doubted Marshall would approve of this. She leaned down to whisper seductively in his ear.

"And what if I were?"

He shivered and quickly stood.

"I gotta go. I'll-I'll call Ted and uh, catch up with him later?"

He trotted over to the door. He was experiencing some intensely conflicting emotions that he was not prepared to deal with. He needed to get out.

"Sweetie, where're you going?" Lily cooed.

And suddenly there were breasts being pressed into his back and hands grabbing his chest and all self-control was thrown out the window about a second after she undid his top button.

"Lily...," he gasped desperately.

Barney couldn't decide whether he wanted her to stop or not. But before his mind was made up he spun her around and leaned his head down to hers for a searing kiss.

Lily bolted her knee up into his groin.

"Oh shit! Lily! Fuck!" he yelled as he collapsed on the floor.

She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

"That was for Robin, you man-slut! Can't you see how awfully you've been treating her? God, it's _disgusting_!"

She stomped to her room to change.

"Lily! Wait!-Are you gonna tell anyone?" he called from the floor, groaning.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't!"

He heard a drawer slam and she re-entered the room in jeans and a turtleneck. She looked like Lily: Kindergarten teacher instead of Lily: The night's special. Barney felt ashamed. He managed to make his way over to the couch.

"Lil, I'm so sorry! I thought-you gave me every signal, so I-I just went with it! And how was I supposed to know about Robin? She never said anything, or-or asked to talk to me...And God my balls hurt like a mother-trucker right now!"

She joined him on the couch.

"Yeah, well, those karate classes came in handy after all. But that's not the point. This was to teach you a lesson. You can't just go after every girl and not expect to get hurt or have one of them get hurt. Your nuts are only going through a small fraction of how Robin feels."

Barney sighed; he felt like a total jackass.

"How can I make it up to her though?"

"For starters, you can apologize. And then you can be supportive of her and don's relationship. If you're going to be friends, you can't le this hang over you guys for the rest of your lives. You both need closure."

"I know; you're right. And I'll go down to MacClaren's as soon as I feel like I can walk again."

"I did hit you kinda hard, didn't I?"

Barney chuckled mirthlessly. "Uhhh, ya _think_? Hopefully you didn't ruin too much Stinson seed with your evil knee."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"I'll see you downstairs Barney. Ted and Marshall should be back soon."

Lily patted his shoulder and was at the door when Barney stopped her.

"But don't pretend you didn't like the kiss, Lil."

She turned to give him a withering look and was met with his big, dopey grin.

"You're so gross, dude."

She closed the door behind with a little smile. She might have liked it, but that didn't mean he had to _know_ about that.


End file.
